Some years are tough.
I’m thankful for His grace in that I haven’t had many of those.
I know people at this very moment who are suffering through some unbelievable trials; far worse than I can imagine right now. Sometimes I feel guilty dwelling on my pain, but if from guilt I ignore and suppress my pain, then I belittle all of us who are suffering in our own ways; and just because my pain or your pain is small compared to those who have "big problems” doesn’t mean we are not allowed to feel our suffering just the same and to talk about it and share it with others.
Pain is extremely personal.
Last summer, a year ago to be exact, I posted “The Summer of Aunt Blanche”. It was an experience of reflection to see who I am in Christ. It was a summer to practice grace and to receive grace from God, the Grace-Giver. It was a summer of learning how to be less self-centered and more self-less. It was exactly what God, the Grace-Giver wants us to do when He allows testing and trials into our lives.
Last summer had a happy ending.... 101 year old Aunt Blanche came through radiation with flying colors and her tumor disappeared. I came through the anxiety over her and her 3x weekly trips to the cancer center also with flying colors. I felt like I passed a test!
This summer, however, is the “Summer of Aunt Blanche”...
on steroids....
The tumor came back (Easter weekend, go figure) but in a different place....one harder to reach and one requiring daily trips to the cancer center all summer for hard-core radiation treatments. And this summer’s Aunt Blanche is not so nimble, energetic, and sharp-minded (not that she was very sharp last year, but her confusion has soared over the past year). She is dramatically deteriorating.
So why am I suffering?????
Because I’m up close and personal with slow death; the death of a loved one means the death of a part of myself...
the death of a loving relationship, the death of happy experiences, the death of what I have left of a grandmother I never really knew (her sister), the death of a great generation of human beings (she’s the last), the death of her memories and her spirit. I know, I know.....her memory will live on in each of us, she will be in a better place, she will no longer be suffering, and on and on with other sappy little life sayings.
Right now is the hard part: her slow-death requires an enormous amount of time, patience, energy, managing of schedule and care because she can no longer care for herself. This is the part that requires a sacrifice. This is the part that requires obedience. This is the part where my flesh and my spirit wage war and where my right to myself (MY time, MY leisure, MY comfort, MY desires) is sacrificed at the cross. This is my Romans 7 experience. AND... it will only get worse...
until God decides to make it better by taking her home. And she WILL go home to Him because she has a personal relationship with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As we navigate the seas of rough winds and unstable waters, how do we (those of us in Christ) do it with peace, trust, joy, godliness, and to the glory of our King? I don’t have the answers.
I looked up the definition of “flying colors” or “flying colours”. It’s a nautical term to mean victory at sea and when ships came home flying their country flags, they were returning safe and victorious from travels at sea. A variation of the phrase, “Nail your colors to the mast” meant that if the flags were nailed to the mast, they could not be lowered and therefore the sailors would not give in to submission to their enemies.
So in this difficult and painful season of life when those of us sandwiched in the middle are having to cultivate resources that are beyond ourselves and can only come from the wisdom and strength that the Holy Spirit provides, I will Nail My Colors to the Mast and remain steadfast in the love and provision of Jesus Christ. I may not be in the best mood this summer and The Doer is probably tired of hearing about this constant worrying (and complaining) but God’s grace will transcend in time!
I know this post is a tad negative and depressing, but that’s what life is at times... a mess, a pain, a disappointment. But my hope is not in this life, it is in the very death and very life of Jesus Christ and He is mine for eternity!!!!
I know, I was supposed to write about 10 Cuttin Sage. The trip last month was pretty uneventful for which I’m so grateful! We had the usual beautiful sunsets, great seafood, egrets-in-the-canal and ducks-on-the-dock kind of trip. We had a great time with our girls and their other halves. Boating to our own private island/sandbar was a highlight. The golf cart was great! Here are some photos:
I’m thankful for His grace in that I haven’t had many of those.
I know people at this very moment who are suffering through some unbelievable trials; far worse than I can imagine right now. Sometimes I feel guilty dwelling on my pain, but if from guilt I ignore and suppress my pain, then I belittle all of us who are suffering in our own ways; and just because my pain or your pain is small compared to those who have "big problems” doesn’t mean we are not allowed to feel our suffering just the same and to talk about it and share it with others.
Pain is extremely personal.
Last summer, a year ago to be exact, I posted “The Summer of Aunt Blanche”. It was an experience of reflection to see who I am in Christ. It was a summer to practice grace and to receive grace from God, the Grace-Giver. It was a summer of learning how to be less self-centered and more self-less. It was exactly what God, the Grace-Giver wants us to do when He allows testing and trials into our lives.
Last summer had a happy ending.... 101 year old Aunt Blanche came through radiation with flying colors and her tumor disappeared. I came through the anxiety over her and her 3x weekly trips to the cancer center also with flying colors. I felt like I passed a test!
This summer, however, is the “Summer of Aunt Blanche”...
on steroids....
The tumor came back (Easter weekend, go figure) but in a different place....one harder to reach and one requiring daily trips to the cancer center all summer for hard-core radiation treatments. And this summer’s Aunt Blanche is not so nimble, energetic, and sharp-minded (not that she was very sharp last year, but her confusion has soared over the past year). She is dramatically deteriorating.
So why am I suffering?????
Because I’m up close and personal with slow death; the death of a loved one means the death of a part of myself...
the death of a loving relationship, the death of happy experiences, the death of what I have left of a grandmother I never really knew (her sister), the death of a great generation of human beings (she’s the last), the death of her memories and her spirit. I know, I know.....her memory will live on in each of us, she will be in a better place, she will no longer be suffering, and on and on with other sappy little life sayings.
Right now is the hard part: her slow-death requires an enormous amount of time, patience, energy, managing of schedule and care because she can no longer care for herself. This is the part that requires a sacrifice. This is the part that requires obedience. This is the part where my flesh and my spirit wage war and where my right to myself (MY time, MY leisure, MY comfort, MY desires) is sacrificed at the cross. This is my Romans 7 experience. AND... it will only get worse...
until God decides to make it better by taking her home. And she WILL go home to Him because she has a personal relationship with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As we navigate the seas of rough winds and unstable waters, how do we (those of us in Christ) do it with peace, trust, joy, godliness, and to the glory of our King? I don’t have the answers.
I looked up the definition of “flying colors” or “flying colours”. It’s a nautical term to mean victory at sea and when ships came home flying their country flags, they were returning safe and victorious from travels at sea. A variation of the phrase, “Nail your colors to the mast” meant that if the flags were nailed to the mast, they could not be lowered and therefore the sailors would not give in to submission to their enemies.
So in this difficult and painful season of life when those of us sandwiched in the middle are having to cultivate resources that are beyond ourselves and can only come from the wisdom and strength that the Holy Spirit provides, I will Nail My Colors to the Mast and remain steadfast in the love and provision of Jesus Christ. I may not be in the best mood this summer and The Doer is probably tired of hearing about this constant worrying (and complaining) but God’s grace will transcend in time!
I know this post is a tad negative and depressing, but that’s what life is at times... a mess, a pain, a disappointment. But my hope is not in this life, it is in the very death and very life of Jesus Christ and He is mine for eternity!!!!
I know, I was supposed to write about 10 Cuttin Sage. The trip last month was pretty uneventful for which I’m so grateful! We had the usual beautiful sunsets, great seafood, egrets-in-the-canal and ducks-on-the-dock kind of trip. We had a great time with our girls and their other halves. Boating to our own private island/sandbar was a highlight. The golf cart was great! Here are some photos:
Ahhh...on the ferry leaving the worries of the world behind
Willis Gupton is a regular at the Jolly Roger. He’s pretty popular and can rowdy up the crowd!
Mexican Petunias were in full bloom on the island.
Where else can you experience the beach like this???
This photo was taken from the nearest sand dune.
Sunset photo #1 from the public boat landing on the sound.
Sunset photo #2, same place.
I hope to be back in September, God willing. Much will depend on sweet Aunt Blanche.....
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